Freedom Philosophy

One of the reminants of 2009 that will stay with us is that of the Japanese soshoku-danshi or herbivore male. For those that know me, it won’t surprise you that I am endlessly fascinated by this topic. It appeals to my love of watching people, living in Japan, constant exploration of masculinity in an evolving gender context, and not least of all, the joy of raising both a son and daughter in modern times.

Like a cultural detective I have been piecing together elements of this rising trend since arriving in Japan almost 9 years ago. The first clues of the mystery for me was the attention I saw younger men paying to their appearance – openly preening themselves in mirrors on the train platform clearly giving their eyebrows more attention than even the highest maintenance women I’d known. Conversely, it was a good day for me if I was shaven and had thought to look in the mirror before leaving our small three room appartment. Were Billy Bragg writing these lyrics today, he might’ve said, “the busy boy buys beauty, the pretty boy buys style…”

Entering Japanese society already in a committed relationship but before kids, I was also interested to learn how my relationship with Asako fit into the local topography. I saw our level of commitment as unique but then again many of my friends back home hadn’t married yet either. I was 29 when we married and Asako was 26 so we were just ahead of the curve slightly. In international relationships, however, visas and working papers are hard to come by without marriage so there are other factors to consider.

Unlike many of the younger adults that I saw on the train in the morning dressed casually for “albaito” or part-time jobs, Asako and I were also full ahead into our careers. She was teaching at a prestigious private school in Tokyo and I was full on into my career in the experiential education field with Project Adventure. Both of us were dedicated to work, each other, and “my” becoming “our” Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Biko, who moved with me to Japan.

Those three elements of men paying unabashed attention to their appearance, a decline in weddings, and a lack of career focus are among the characteristics ascribed to the herbivore male. Connected to this, young men are now reported to be the leading consumers of beauty products, more adverse to commitment and responsibility, and more content to live at home with their parents as “parasite-singles”. While I go through my share of toothpaste, I recognize these characteristics not only don’t apply to me but comprise those that I was socialized to view as shallow and unfulfilling in both men and women.

At the same time I was out of my native surroundings trying to sort out what it meant to be in my new setting as a man, I also felt safer and less threatened than in any place I had ever lived. The feeling of safety went beyond the lower crime and murder rates into something more primal as if the frequency I was on was different than many of those my same age around me. Back in North America the rat race was in full swing but in Japan I felt like I was in a field all my own.

Two days ago at my doctor’s office I got into a conversation about snowboarding with his son who was home from university. 5 min into the discussion, this 21 year old son of a man with charisma and confidence oozing from every pour was open in sharing with me how scary the whole prospect is from the sport itself right through the height of the lift.

A lot of people have private fears but they typically stay concealed in casual conversation. I’d like to think it was my Rogerian aura of unconditional positive regard that enabled this man to disclose his weaknesses but I think it was linked more to men not feeling the same need to appear tough and infallible. If his father had been listening around the corner I imagine he would have been shaking his head.

Along the way there have been other surprises like the bras sold for men. After receiving the link from a female friend, I checked those out with some humor noting how Seinfeld’s “mansierre” had finally found it’s real life consumer audience. As a counselor, that product left me wondering what the psychological needs were that were driving enough demand for a bra for men to enter production. Perhaps it is as some argue, a reaction to the pressure of traditional manhood with hidden lingerie removing the internal stress to be macho.

Other trends such as men sitting down to pee or the decline in sales of hard alcohol and sports cars serve as ready fodder for the media to emasculate the Japanese male. Looking to western fashion magazines briefly, however, the images of men are very consistent with the herbivore male of Japan with impeccable hair, make-up and manicures. This is not a trend from which western men can claim impunity although I imagine standing urination still has a future.

I’m the last one to be nostalgic about the loss of the stoic salaryman absent from his family or the rough and tough emotionally isolated outlaw that informs many archtypes of the western male. As alternatives, an over-emphasis on physical appearance regarding women hasn’t been of benefit so I don’t see it of use for men either.

Similarly, independence away from your parents at the expense of meaningful connections with others is equally detrimental for either gender. Cast in a light of self-reliance, however, indepedence is made possible by living in community with others. It demands a broad range of skills as certain obstacles are sorted out alone and others are managed as a community of family and friends. The same potential for self-fulfillment may not exist without that richness of experience. I worry about the future if the leadership and fabric of society is made up of people who lack the initiative and drive to at least fold their own socks or sort out dinner.

Perhaps the phenomenon of the herbivore male is due, as proposed, to the social disruption and delusion left in the wake of Japan’s broken bubble economy- the emotional remnants of lost financial promises and security. The media has painted a larthargic bovine picture of anyone not towing the company line. An underlying message for me comes through clearly. The Japanese kaisha is no longer able to guarantee lifelong financial “happiness” for its employees so the companies of Japan need to integrate other qualities of life that will make employees content. Shorter work days, better maternity and paternity leave packages, and vacations on par with the rest of the world’s leading economies are a few ready suggestions.

Perhaps most shocking, however, is the sexual passivity of this new species of man reported to favor platonic relationships with the opposite sex and failing to summon the gumption to approach women. From a biological perspective this is deeply troubling. Japanese culture has proven to be extremely resilient in the face of increasing globalization but already faces declining birthrates and an aging population without the social impotence of its young males.

It is hard to find fault in the individual lifestyle preferences of a few men. Further, were I still single I would very likely rejoice in any hetereosexual men self-selecting out of the dating pool. However, Infinity marketing firm in Tokyo claims that approximately 65% of men 20-34 identify to some degree with the herbivore male. Rather than passively graze in an infertile field of societal apathy, I’d encourage younger men to engage in a gender war to redefine what it entails to be a man on their own terms but not clinging to their mother’s apron strings.

Editorial, Society